Quintessential Thinker


Filled with despair and misery

She sat looking blankly at the door

She pleaded for peace and beg for her space

But she got neither

A red blotch of paint trickled down her wrist

But felt no pain

She felt life deceived her;

By not giving her the happiness she wanted

Life never gave what she wanted but in return

Pain, dejection and depression is what she got

She felt helpless and hopeless cos

Life never gave her anything but sorrows

Life, she thought was unfair and full of vain

Her mind clouded by her empty thoughts,

Her walls closing in, on her

Nothing but sorrow, nothing but pain, she felt lonely

Scared of letting light in her life

She sits in the dark corner of her mind

Expressionless and thoughtless

She sat motionless all through

Ignorant and anguished,

Wretchedness and heartache is all she felt

Darkness over shadowed her life,

She felt nothing but pain,

She was cut off from the happiness and excitement in life

She lay thoughtless now,

Still and dead-like

Life for her was vengeful, sorrowful and grievous

All she ever wanted from life was happiness and to be loved

She was torn between her life but never did she speak about it;

Never did she share or speak about what she felt

And never did she ever speak bout what she went through- the darkness of sorrow.

7/11/07
Quintessential Thinker

picture taken at TARAMATI BARADARI , Hyderabad.
Quintessential Thinker
I decided to let go... I decided to break free...
I decided to open my eyes and smells the roses
But everything came crashing down...

I decided to make myself a stronger person and cry no more
I decided I'd give away all of me and bring out a new me
But everything came crashing down...

I decided to gather my thoughts and make more of life
I decided to gather myself and get myself back together
But something happened and it all came crashing down...

I decided to ride the wave and move on
I decided to move on as life came my way...
But everything came crashing down...

I decided to get out of this muddled days...
I decided to wipe away all my tears and get rid of them
But then I came crashing down

I decided not to shed anymore tears but give more love than receive
I decided I'd help myself up on my own and stand alone
But then something came over me and everything came crashing down...
(23-3-06)
Quintessential Thinker
It was cold and scary out there...
But I didn’t see you standing near me to help me fight away my fears.
It was raining and I was shedding my tears and
I still didn’t see you there to wipe away my tears.

It was a moment of pain and hurt...
And I didn’t see you anywhere close to banish the hurt I was going through.
It was a moment of sadness and sorrow...
And I didn’t see you anywhere around to,
although I had everyone...I didn’t have you.

It was a time where I lost myself and wanted your help in finding myself
It was a time where I gave up on life and wanted help in getting back to myself...
But there was no sign of you.

It was the worst days of my life...
And I needed the comfort and the light...
Which I thought would be you
But no light came through from anywhere...
I gave up!

It was the time where I was being judged by myself about me
But I knew I'd be okay if I was holding your hand...
There was no hand nor anyone.

I sit lost in thought of where I went wrong
And think whether I'm expecting too much from you.
I sit so lost in thought about why I care whether you’re in my life or not...

I think to myself why I expect you to understand me... or do you?
Not a word said nor spoken...
I know you hear me and understand me
But when you don’t say anything...
Why does it hurt?
Why does it hurt when we don’t talk...
I know you hear me every time I talk
But why does that stop you from talking?
(22-3-06)
Quintessential Thinker
It’s me against the world
That’s how I feel...
It’s me against my life
That's how things seem...
Its me against my wishes
That’s how I can see things!

It’s me against the world
Turning its back on me...
It’s me against my life
Life's taking the wrong path...
It’s me against my wishes
Their coming undone

It’s me against the world
One on one...
It’s me against the world
Just me alone
It’s me against the world


(7-4-06)
Quintessential Thinker
I'm sitting here in front of the only thing that has no say in my life
Or doesn't scream at me or say anything to me...
The computer...
Its an important thing in my life for a simple reason cos
I get to write a lot and abuse it...
I could sit and cry in front of the computer and it wont ever tell...
I could sit and write what my thoughts are and it wont snitch.

Life for everyone else around me is fully hectic
And it seems so weird that I feel neglected... and I can’t tell...
I can’t tell for the people I care for the most might just laugh it off...
My heart hurts from a heart break and I still can’t feel love around me...
I do but I don't at the same time...
There's a motion of stillness in the air and
Unspoken words don't get through to People anymore...

They ask to speak up if I feel neglected but what happens even then...
I'm left feeling even worse for nothings cleared up...
My minds filled with questions and unanswered doubts...
Doubts bout life... bout love... bout friendship... bout relationship with my family...
There's no one to hear me... no one to reply back to me...

Where is the love?
Where is the one person whom I can just pour my heart out?
Where is the light of my life... the apple of my eye??
Where are the happy times I deserve?
Where are the times everyone cared??
Why do I feel neglected...
A lot of people love me but unintentionally they hurt me...
When will I get the answers to my questions?

Everything's let alone...
I sit here at the computer writing this blog and crying my tears out...
How much more time will it take for me to get what I want...The love that I need??
Whatever happens happens for our own good is how the saying goes?
But what good is not being loved and being neglected...
Get me out of this feeling of loneliness...
Get me out of this horrid feeling of being neglected...all I ask for is ...
To be loved and to love...
(26-10-06)
Quintessential Thinker
Staring back at herself, she looked blankly
Her eyes filled with unflowed tears
A meek smile smeared across her face
She looks at herself with shame and disgust
The complete opposite of what she looks like
Hidden beauty seen only through the mirror image
Indescribable beauty, the never ending smile on her face.
The gorgeous and astonishing face seenall hidden under her skin.
(19-11-06)