Quintessential Thinker

after a wait for all my life,
waiting for the perfect friend,who now i have found
waiting for me to become the perfect me,
waiting till some day, i may shed the kilos
after a long wait , for healing the hurts i have on me
in my heart and in my soul,
the hurt from betrayal of love and friendship
i surrender.

of all hope that i had,
of all belief that made the person i was
i still waited....
and some where within me, i still wait.... but today... i surrender.

days have gone and i have never given up
not even on my principles, my beliefs nor my values
but when there is a lack of light and it tends not to shed on me,
that's when i realize its time, i surrender.

in love, i believed the most, even now i do
but a certain incidents, have changed my views
my wounds, they over shadow my beliefs
and from love, to hurt...i surrender.

passionate and enthusiastic
was i always for no reason
but today i seem to need a reason to be happy,
from happiness to glum, unwantedly i surrender.

memories that fill me, that make me
who i am, that remind me of where i come from
where i belong... all seem to some what fade..
but to memories that define me... i surrender.

as confusion fills in me,
about everything and nothing
time passes and i feel wasted..
but now to the confusion, that's always a part of me.. i surrender.

to my life, to which i owe myself,
for all the times, I've been alone
to the times I've been with the world,
to my life, to myself i surrender.

to everything that's a part of me now
from the past to the present
maybe the future as well,
to everything, i surrender to thee.


Quintessential Thinker
tear drops trickle down her face
her eyes red with colours of sorrow
her mind , filled with confusion
not knowing what to believe
her heart, beating slow yet feeling numb
only lifeless now

staring at herself,
cursing the person she sees
not liking who she is
hating what she looks like
trying to stop her smile from fading
vanishing....and her... becoming cold

black and grey seem to rule her life
colourless that's what it seemed
pained by her own delusions
wanting to be left aloof
but at the same time wanting to be with someone.

hearing things she didn't want to listen to
saying things she didn't mean
being someone she didn't want to be
laying there on the bed, staring at nothing
walking like a zombie
almost dead like and lifeless...

sitting amidst the confusion
and of her own darkness
discoloured by herself
unwanted, unloved and unreal
that's what she felt she was
empty and lonely.

hopeless and insensitive
frozen from within now
insecure and apprehensive
timid about herself
surreal and strange
everything was that for her.

astray in the midst of her dark fantasy
filled with the shades of black and black alone
unhappiness and wretchedness,
misery and despair, sorrow and desolation
blanketed her, like the leaves;
blanketed the ground after spring.

used and thrown away:
resembling a tissue paper
one year of pure love
turned out to be a joke
he was hers, she thought but
taken that's what he was, all the while, ten years ago!

blinded by love
she grew worthless
and felt tormented
hidden in the depths of herself
a priceless whore
that's what he made her.

distress and anguish
tore her apart
pain and agony
shattered her inside
but she lived everyday,
again and again, feeling just the same.