Bringing Down the Weight!

I've never really given a damn about the way i looked... ok ok may be i did... but its not like i dint try to lose weight or anything.. i did. I've been to nutritionists and dietians. BUT only to put on half of what i was before deiting. and today. I without any embarassment say that i am obese. i am fat. damn that stupid book i read few years ago which said FAT is good.
It's not.. and it never was and never will be.
Usually i'm not the kind of a person who will get online look for motivation or inspiration but i had had enough of looking the way i do. not that i dont like it. BUt i've always been this way. I want to look Different and feel Different. be it inside out or outside in. I WANT TO BE DIFFERENT!!
Two days back i posted a question on Yahoo!Answers and one of the replies i got back was this lady giving me advice on the kind of food and exercises i should do. she said i should look up a site she had written below which would help and do wonders and motivate you in losing some weight. now i laughed it off but was a little intrigued about the site. i always check out these sites... ok so i got a little desperate and i went to check it out. i was actually so motivated that i joint immediately and started exploring the site. it's called sparkpeople.com and i like it.
really honestly!! i followed the exercise plan and because i dont really believe in diets i decided to do just the exercises. no harm trying the exercises cos there just the basic sit-ups, squats etc etc.
well here're the exercises i did...
1 - crunches
2- crunches with side twists
3- sit-ups against a chair
4- lying abduction
5- standing abduction
6- back extention
7- leg curls
8 - single leg squats against a chair

i did all the above in 2 sets of 12 for about 2 minutes each exercises
plus walking for 6 minutes!
giving me a solid 30minute workout..
and boy oh boy .... I FEEL GOOOD!!

now like i said to myself, i know how easily bored i get... but not this time.
It's full flegded motivation to lose weight that is exactly what i'm going to be doing.

Honestly... it's been a realllyl long time since i exercised
and felt an immediate effect of energy although i am a little pooped out but not too much to not write here.
today's day of exercises was a successfull 0inutes. i feel great.. active and HAPPY! from within me as well.i've gotten a print of of the workout schedule drew a little doodle near each exercise so that i know what im doing. and this is all possible because of Sparkpeople!
I finally found motivation and i will swear by it.. i know i am capable of loosing the weight and reaching my goals. no one can stop me from Bringing down the WEIGHT anymore.

there will be an update of my progress untill i reach my ultimate goal of 180 lbs by 10th March 2009. but for starters - my goal is to 10-30 lbs within the next 2 months and i KNOW I CAN DO IT!

To quote the most truthful dialogue said at the very end of a spectaluar movie i saw a few days ago, called THE PRESTIGE: "Now you're looking for the secret... but you won't find it because you're not really looking. You don't really want to know the secret... You want to be fooled. "


Putting aside the rest of the words, something seemed to have captured my attention about the last five words... "you want to be fooled". it's an amazing thing, how just some words can make you realize a lot more than what they actually mean!

I don't know how many of you have actually read ,seen or heard something which gives you an insight of life.? how many of you have thought about some words heard or said, which are essential for life.? i do not know where these thoughts are born from, of course within me that is for certain but it's an amazing thing how we end up thinking a lot after watching a brilliant movie or a dramatic performance or sometimes a music video or recital even.

After watching the movie i hadn't quite said anything but just sat in fron to of what we call the " Idiot Box" and kept wondering about the end. Drifting away a little from what i have said, i couldn't help but think about the last 5 words of the movie... i do not know how anyone could bring out the truth of the sentence in any other way.

I sit here, thinking and pondering over that same sentence, trying to connect it in everything i do and everything i do not as well. but it all came down to one major thought. the thought about life,
Imagine , LIFE : is a game they say, of cards and we hold the cards and we need to know how to play it.

I don't quite agree with that, but i personally feel that LIFE is a game of all sorts, whatever name it is called, should not matter but what should matter is how you play it.
it's funny, how tricky any kind of game can get, especially when you know how to cheat or make your own rules. In the game called Life: we are the players, we make the rules, stick with it or break the rules, the move is made by us.
Taking into serious consideration, the line YOU WANT TO BE FOOLED; is somewhat the key to know how LIFE works, don't you think??
for instance, in the Game of LIFE, as i see it ,

in our lives, WE, the People are the magicians.... we love to fool people with our tricks and make them happy by doin things they'd want to see and say things they want to hear.. and people are the audiences who want to be fooled over and over again. they just sit there in front of us, without saying a word, laughing at our jokes, clapping at our acts after the show is over. sometimes we loose the grip, we are boo-ed, but the rest we're the heros, we're cheered at, we're hooted and appreciated. they scream for more without hesitance, wanting to be fooled again.

Over and over agian, everyday is like a different act, a different trick, sometimes the same old ones, but sometimes, something brand new... LIFE is an unexpected game on its own. The rules, some made before, some made by us... some made by others but followed by us. LIFE, no matter how much you think about how it works, it keeps you behind the curtains, making you the audience, and YOU just sit there waiting and wanting to see what LIFE has in store for you, something old, something different, or something new even....but at the end, knowing the truth you ignore the truth, because..... YOU WANT TO BE FOOLED!

tear drops trickle down her face
her eyes red with colours of sorrow
her mind , filled with confusion
not knowing what to believe
her heart, beating slow yet feeling numb
only lifeless now

staring at herself,
cursing the person she sees
not liking who she is
hating what she looks like
trying to stop her smile from fading
vanishing....and her... becoming cold

black and grey seem to rule her life
colourless that's what it seemed
pained by her own delusions
wanting to be left aloof
but at the same time wanting to be with someone.

hearing things she didn't want to listen to
saying things she didn't mean
being someone she didn't want to be
laying there on the bed, staring at nothing
walking like a zombie
almost dead like and lifeless...

sitting amidst the confusion
and of her own darkness
discoloured by herself
unwanted, unloved and unreal
that's what she felt she was
empty and lonely.

hopeless and insensitive
frozen from within now
insecure and apprehensive
timid about herself
surreal and strange
everything was that for her.

astray in the midst of her dark fantasy
filled with the shades of black and black alone
unhappiness and wretchedness,
misery and despair, sorrow and desolation
blanketed her, like the leaves;
blanketed the ground after spring.

used and thrown away:
resembling a tissue paper
one year of pure love
turned out to be a joke
he was hers, she thought but
taken that's what he was, all the while, ten years ago!

blinded by love
she grew worthless
and felt tormented
hidden in the depths of herself
a priceless whore
that's what he made her.

distress and anguish
tore her apart
pain and agony
shattered her inside
but she lived everyday,
again and again, feeling just the same.

it was the time just about half past after sunset. the heat was a bit low,the breeze had squigled its way through.Off i go to fethch my mother from her work place.after the day's activities and of course boredom! roaming the city in the traffic jams all over from my house to the destination. the ride as well as the traffic was pretty smooth flowing until we hit the jubilee hills check post area where the traffic was at a halt of ten minutes i guess. simply talking the girly gossips, both mother and daughter decide that after almost a years of the production of swat bats that are used to swat mosquitoes and flies, it's high time we bought one for ourselves due to the increase of mosquitos.
Now, if whoever has already bought those swatters before, i think and i hope you would have bought it for about 40 or 50 bucks per racket. But the shock my mother and i had was when a vendor or salesman who we had stopped to buy this swatter from, announced that the bat was for 300 bucks and o did i mention, before we even asked, both mum and i dug into our respective handbags searching for 40-50 bucks. so this man, tries to sell this swatter , he himself doing our bargaining bit, by trying to reduce the price to 250 rupees. immediately we declined the offer and i rolled up my window and said thanks! BUT no, the men do not give up so easy do they???
noo noo they dont! reluctantly he again lowered the bid for it to 200/- and we still said no. he kept forcing us to buy it even with the windows shut he refused to give up and try elsewhere.

now only a stupid person would settle in for something of that sort. so anyway we left and headed to our favourite Maharaja Chaat Bundi!

ahhan!! the smell of sweet and sour Pani poori or like the english say "water balls"!! hah!!
the yummmy taste of spices blended with sweet and sour chutneys that are poured over the golden brown puri's, and on top of that the most soothing and cooling ingredient, the yougurt poured over it all and golden fried flour sticks or what we call sev, sprinkled on it; just alike adding a cherry on top of a cake!
oh the yummy street side savoury! god bless them for it!
mouth watering delicacies. my favourite! a plate of hot buttered buns with curry, that's the famous and most relished dish of mine!!

well sorry to break it up now, but after i was done, stomach full. we left back for home. at another traffic signal, we noticed that the same vendor came running to our car and offered a 100 bucks for the swatter! wah! men sure dont give up ater saying no! or should i say some men cannot take NO! for an answer! sheeesh! well it was funny because even after telling the guy that we still didn't want it, he didn't listen but insisted we take it! sorry man! ur loss of the day!!
well im not really sure why i wrote this but its just that sometimes, we encounter such incidents that we gota be really careful. Being aware of Conmen is one thing!And well that's that! that's the story of how we almost got conned into buying something really expensive whereas it's worth just a 1.5 litre bottle of sprite or coke and a packet of gems!

My New Best Friend

Today I met a great new friend
Who knew me right away
I loved the fact she understood
All I had to say

She listened to my problems
She listened to my dreams
We talked about my life and things
She had been there too, it seems

I have never once felt judged by her
But she knew just how I felt
She seemed to just accept me
And all that I'd been dealt

She didn't need to interrupt
Or need to have her say
She listened very patiently
And didn't go away

I wanted her to understand
How much this meant to me
But as I went to hug her
Something startled me

I put my arms in front of me
And longed to draw her near
I truly saw my new best friend....
Was my reflection in the mirror.

(Retold By Kimberly Kirberger)

author/poets note: this poem means alot to me as it was the first ever poem i read out in book reading session when i was 10 or 11!

she was standing tall

walking on still waters
flying without wings aimlessly
living life that I've never dreamt of living
where there's no fear nor sorrow not a speck of darkness
no negativity but only positivity
happiness and glee fill the place.

a land where there's nothing but solace
peace,harmony and the natural surrounding
a land where there's no limitation for anything
not for freedom, nor free will.

wanting to live in a place I've always dreamt of
a place i long for,
hidden in the deepest corners of my imagination
and finally i find my Utopia.

living in my dreams, for too long
i get sucked out of my imagination
back to reality and my Utopia goes crashing down
and there's no sign of its existence any more.

now, it's a place filled with more sorrow than before
and lesser happiness.
it's a place filled with large specks of darkness
that over shadow the colours.

it's place where my biggest fears come alive
and my courage to face life reduces
it's a place, i see losing its originality
a place where I'm losing myself.

it's a place that i will always long for,
a place where i am myself the most
where no one can reach me
a place where i love being me.

Utopia, it's fading,
it's vanishing
within me, without me
It's crumbling,it's disappearing
into the dusty skies.

Utopia,Utopia
my Utopia lost within me,
somewehere unreachable,
somewhere i cannot go.
Utopia,Utopia lost!

There's a lack of enthusiasm within me
i don't know why but;
but i cannot seem to enjoy myself,
even while doing what i love the most.

there's a lot of zeal missing within me
a certain something but I'm not sure what it is
but it sure is making me feel totally and completely incomplete,
and sometimes numb and devoid of having fun.

there's an empty spot for inspiration inside me
that's waiting to be filled,
may be with something or someone even;
but there seems no such miracle to happen as yet.

there's a certain stillness in the air
that's making me feel weary
like something is creeping upon me
and closing in on me.

there are so many questions running through my mind
about me, about my life
about everything i do and am doing
but sadly, everything's left unanswered.

i ask, in hope to get some kind of an answer,

where is the enthusiasm that keeps me alive?
where is the zeal, that makes me look forward for tomorrow?
where is the inspiration that makes me go out there and live my life with freewill?

where is the enthusiasm that was my daily dose of an adrenaline rush?
where is the zeal that made life sparkle and colourful?
where is the inspiration that made me love what i do or did?

where?
where is all that i challenged myself to live life all over again?
most of all, where is the courage that i lack so immensely that makes me move ahead in life?

I’m walking blindly as life takes me on this journey;
Which has neither a destination nor a stop.
Clueless of where this road leads me,
I go on walking.

Making life seem a little more interesting than it already is
The road takes me wherever it leads to.
Confused about which lane to choose when it comes to a fork in the road,
I go on walking.

Real Women Have Curves
(written for college magazine)

It’s taken me a lot of guts to think of actually writing this article that you are about to read but then when i think about it, i don’t really care about what you think. I am almost twenty years old and for my age i am over-weight. Ever since i was in the seventh grade i have been trying to lose weight and till date i have not been successful at it. I have tried different diets which required a lot of determination. I have been at the gymnasium and tried to stick to a weight-loss regime but then again i have failed. Out of sheer boredom i have for the past two days been reading this book that i bought for myself almost a year ago, just as i finished my ISC exams. The book “the fat girls guide to life” by Wendy Shanker, is about herself and how she went through a series of diets and exercise classes or gym classes and weight treatments and the works to lose weight but at the end, instead of losing weight she had put on more weight than that she initially was.
i didn’t quite agree with some of the things that were written in the book but i do remember something i really liked. It was a quote actually more like a dialogue from the movie “Real Women Have Curves”, it goes something like this...”how dare anyone try to tell me what i should look like or what i should be, when there’s so much more to me than just my weight!” This is going to be my anthem from today onwards... i mean isn’t it so true? Ask me and i will surely agree with this!
Why do people over react to others being over-weight or obese! We fat people surely don’t say things like “oh my god! Look how skinny she is, she needs to put on a few pounds!”
why do people have to push us to lose weight, i know deep inside , we’re dying to come out from under the flab but hello it takes a lot of control and determination to decide that from today i will work out, i will go on that Atkins diet which unfortunately or fortunately doesn’t happen over-night. does it? Obviously whoever pushes us cares and loves us a lot but my question is if you say you love and care for us so much, why can’t you accept us for who we are and not want we look like? Today’s generation really doesn’t care about what they look like, i know i don’t because to an extent i believe in myself and i know how to carry myself off.
Somebody once told me that ‘the bigger the person you are, the bigger the heart you have’.
What i don’t understand is why being fat is such a problem. Why would anyone want to be judged because he or she is fat or thin? I wouldn’t but i know to an extent i am. Honestly like i said before, i have tried, okay so i haven’t pushed myself but i know that one day eventually i will push myself to work at losing weight. I know it will be difficult initially but it’s not impossible. Honestly i feel a little hypocritical right now, but that’s because i’m writing all this and I’ve not done an ounce about losing weight.( I mean today otherwise i have begun to cycle and do a little exercise whenever i have the time. )
Now that i have realized how diverted i got while writing, here’s what i actually want to say. I love the idea of being able to see a totally new “me” in the mirror every morning when i get up, but since im still trying to push myself to lose weight. I hate the idea that when i love making new friends i don’t have the right amount of confidence to go and start up a random conversation with them. I love the idea of my friends being there for me through, even more my family. But i hate the idea that sometimes , i am not at all confident about who i am which leads to my being a little low. I love the idea that nowadays people love themselves for who they are and not what they look like, i do too. But i hate the idea of how people look you up and down and give you this weird expression which has “ oh my god, how fat is she” written all over it!
I am not asking for attention, nor am i asking for an over-night makeover (which would be nice) but I’m asking the people out there who are reading this right now, when you see a fat girl pass by don’t think she’s some weird space alien but instead give her a smile, let her feel like she’s another normal human being. Those of you who have friends, who are fat, love them for who they are and not what they look like. It’s about time that you give us fat people a break from calling us names especially fatty or motu... because hey we already know what we are. Instead of calling us names why in the world can’t you just be a friend for who we are and not what we look like and this one’s for those girls who’re probably like me... it’s okay to be fat and be happy. It’s okay if that cute guy you like doesn’t acknowledge your presence because if he doesn’t notice you or talk to you then he’s not worth the trouble (especially if you’re trying to lose weight for him).
So the next time anyone sees a fat girl or anyone else fat, “weight” till you get to know them, then pass your judgement because you are not perfect nor is anyone in the world. To end this, here’s a little something to boost up the confidence levels of those who lack it, be confident and love yourself the way you are, don’t be ashamed of who you are or how you look because at the end of the day it all comes down to us. In my case, I’d like to say this just for the girls... no matter what shape or size you are, one thing to remember is that real women have curves.